The Song of Captain Firepants

Lxe
Our present Life is duly praised
For wonderful Occasions,
And while at Sea, we get amazed
At almost daily Cadence.
A steel bar floats gently by,
A fish drowns blaming heavens;
One thing alone you'd not descry -
A thing that never happens.
One Treat alone you'd never try -
A thing that never happens.

At Sea one has to exercise
Resourcefulness most fervent.
This Truth entirely applies
To your most humble Servant.
Tie Parallels into a Knot,
Make it Cape Horn to Athens,
Among the Wonders you would not
Find one that never happens;
Among the Miracles, you'd not
Name such that never happens.

Great is the Count of the Shores
That saw me cast my Anchor.
I've been a Character of Lores
Recalled with Awe and Anger.
I've never given up the Fight -
Remember Captain Firepants!
Believe me, friends, you'd never find
A thing that never happens.
One thing on Earth you'd never find -
The one that never happens.

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