im nowhere where i really am

Интуери
im nowhere where i really am
i am everywhere where im not

my armour shell keeps me locked
but my soul refuses those barriers

im laughing very loudly
but it’s only an far away echo from my crying mind

im accepting so many people i believe everyone.. even if they will leave their needles in me
because deep inside im apologizing for wanting to leave each of them and for betraying them for arms of death that im dreaming of

i feel how hopeless my hope is
only when i realized that im happy only because i know that death there on her way to collect my tired broken pieces..

im blooming outside myself
just as stars having explosion visibly outside because it’s an inside death

the only constant feeling i have
is love and hate together
i believe they fall in love with each other

but my existence is their barrier
my energy in my mind is a barrier
me dying inside still alive shell is a barrier
life is a barrier but its wants its price for letting me go into the arms of death