Перевод юморески Театр абсурда. (кратко об обстановке в мире ) (с)Игорь сахалинский
Theater of the absurd.
USA and EU: That's it, Russia, land planes! You can no longer fly on our leased aircrafts! We forbid it.
Russia: (phlegmatically) OK.
*Russian airlines stop flying on US and European leased aircrafts.
Russia: Hey EU, do you want a stunt?
EU: What the stunt you r taking about?
Russia: Look. Do you see your planes?
EU: Well, yes.
Russia: And, can you take them back?
EU: Hmmm?
Russia: My sky is closed for your planes, right?
EU: Damn... bring them us yourself then!
Russia: No-no-no, you've closed the sky for the planes of my airlines. If my pilots sit at the helm, this is my plane and it caaan't fly to EUuuu.
Israel: (with notepad) Russia, slow down, please, I'm making notes.
EU: Fuck!
Russia: And now the stunt. This sis the daily cost of aircraft storage your owe me.
EU: FUCK!!!
Israel: Hay EU, I've a garage for sale.
EU: (estimating cost) Thank you, but no.
Serbia: (maliciously) And you've created this problem by yourselve!
EU: You, shut up already! Hey Turkey, give us space to store our planes, fast!
Turkey: You ask for a place, but you ask for it without respect...
EU: You're crazy bastard! Hey, Britain, tame the Turkey!!!
UK: (searching air routes to Asia bypassing Russia) Fuck off. I've full hands of problems myself. How should we fly over the Middle East now?! Who even made this mess up there?!
*silent scene
USA: Why are you all gazing at me?
Russia: By the way, EU - what do you think about Nord Stream?
EU: You are an evil bloody dictatorship! We will not launch this totalitarian Nord Stream 2! We will fight the financing of the dict...
Russia: (smiling unkindly) And who spoke about the second stream?
EU: Eh?!
Russia: (smiling even wider) Do you want a stunt?
Germany: (blushing) Fuck...
Russia: (putting his paw on a valve of Nord Stream 1) Are you ready pussy cats?
EU: Oh fuck!
Russia: (stroking the valve) I can't heeear you...
Germany: Aaaah! FUCK! HELP!!!
Austria: Oh, I did not expect you voice will sound so nice when the gas is cutt off...
Germany: Hey, USA, give me the gas!
Israel: The Germans are asking for gas... Don't you feel there is something philosophical...
USA: Back off! Hey you, Russia, I'm not going to buy neither oil nor gas from you anymore!
Russia: And what about titanium?
USA: And what about titanium - I'll keep to buy it.
Russia: Reeeally? And who said you I'm going to sell it to you?
USA: Fuck! You will pay for this!
Russia: Me? Man, look around!
USA: What...? What's wrong?!
* The armies of Russia, the DPR and the LPR finished encircling the Ukrainian forces in the Donbass.
Ukraine: Fuck! Yankee, HELP US!
LNR and DNR: Happy anniversary dear Ukraine!
Ukraine: Happy what the fuck anniversary?
LNR and DNR: It's tenth encircling. You got a round number!
Ukraine: Fuck! You r bitches!
USA: Hey you Venezuela! Sell me your oil!
Venezuela: (emotionally) How can you say that to me my beloved Sam, after all that we have together!?
USA: (bulged his eyes in surprise) Whaaaat?!!!
Cuba: (seriously) Translation into American language: Fuck off, you filthy capitalist!
USA: Fuck! Hey Arabia! Sell you oil to me, and to Europe as well! Do it... Fast!!!
(silence)
USA: Hey Arabia are you deaf?
Saudi Arabia: Did massa visit to me? ...
USA: Uh! ... What?!
Saudi Arabia: Did massa sit crossing his legs in front of me? ...
USA: What the hell are you talking about with that accent??!
Saudi Arabia: Did massa show me the sole of his shoe?
All Arab countries in chorus: Ooooh...
USA: What's wrong with you what are you talking about!?
All Eastern countries: Ooooh....
Saudi Arabia: (in plain English) Go please yourself- suck your... own oil.
USA: Fuck!!! Hay, UAE are you there!
UAE: (answering machine) I'm busy or gone on the hajj, call me later this year.
USA: FUCK!!!