A TRAP for a THOUGHT-FORM
a novel in the series
"PLAYING ANOTHER REALITY"
Chapter 25. WINGED WORLD
I walked around the puppet-like city in the Blizzard, trying to imagine myself…
…the Cat watching me, and Roman, and the Guardian…
…the Guardian watching me talking with Roman during the breaks…
…Roman silently reading me like a book, under the strict gaze of the Guardian, and patiently listening to my nightly dialogues with the Wanderer…
…the Wanderer looking at me, and at Roman, and at the Guardian from somewhere quite far away, or at least from Armenia…
Each time it was a completely different feeling, perhaps I even partially experienced what they felt about the going on…
When I looked at myself with the eyes of the third person, something seemed too obvious and simple to me. However, I didn’t find out who we were after all, ghosts or people.
***
“Why the hell did you invite the whole ‘Winged World’ here?” muttered the Guardian, meeting me at the door of the Mansion. “Is the author of the book an Angel? Seraphim? Cherubim? What has their secret messenger to do in our vicious monastery?”
“The author is a mythology Bird, named Syrinx, calm down,” I grinned and gave the Guardian access to my furs.
“Can I ask you a question, Alice?”
“Life is short, ask.”
“What an interesting thought! I have to develop it in my script! Are you really in love with him, Alice?”
“Are you working on the script?”
“Rather, over another variation. But I asked whether you are really in love with HIM.”
“Are you talking about your gothic Cat?” I joked, being already about to sit down at the table, but, of course, thinking of Roman.
“HE is not a match for you, Alice! Don’t you understand anything yet?” the Guardian grabbed my hand, not allowing me to sit down, and turned me around to face him.
The Guardian’s eyes sparkled with a devilish gleam, he obviously meant Roman, and I was scared, but I immediately caught myself thinking that getting panic was NOT MY desire.
“Let me sit down. I am not a doll,” I said calmly. “Besides, we’ve just agreed that life is short. I want to live it based on my own interests, and not on the interests of the programs guiding me.”
The Guardian threw my hand away and went to brew coffee, apparently restoring the internal balance with a standard ritual of one of his — or someone else’s — programs.
***
The Syrinx Bird flew into the gloomy hall of the gothic Mansion and immediately start singing along to the guitar. The guests plunged into a trance, allowing me to plunge into myself.
The Mansion was, surely, damn nice. However, I felt I was getting… bored? confined? Perhaps the dimmed light oppressed me, or was it… too stuffy?
And/or was I pressed by the Giant Mirror behind me but without my reflection in it?
Or, perhaps, the real mirror was the Guardian himself, because it was he, who reflected my own fear of Love, albeit in a hypertrophied form.
I couldn’t determine the specific reason, but I realized that I wanted to go BEYOND that space, dilute my life with something bright, sunny, full of energy and…
Roman appeared in the hall. Opening the door, he confronted the Guardian, who gave him a hateful look, while politely letting come to my table. They threw me off my previous thought.
“Never mind, Alice! Don’t worry! If the thought is important, it will come back to you again!” Roman’s voice rang out in me.
***
It’s good to have breaks. I brought us coffee.
“What is on your mind today, Alice?” stirring the sugar, Roman asked me with a smile.
“If we are still alive, why don’t we so often do what our souls want? The life of each of us can be interrupted at any moment, but we stubbornly stomping in the same place, walking in a vicious circle, step by step, fulfilling a set of programs installed in us, daily and mechanically performing the rituals of the material world.” I glanced at the stage and noticed the Cat walking gorgeously along the wall towards the Giant Mirror. Having reached it, he began washing, apparently inviting ghosts to visit us. I continued the stream of suspended thoughts, “Even the Cat, look, he is washing, according to the installed in him program. Unlike that Cat, humans have the gift of the Word, but for some reason, it’s easier for them to talk about nothing and / or to evil-speak using the Impurities’ lexicon, instead of…”
“Instead of what?”
(“of saying in time the most important words to each other, Roman!” I hid that thought behind a sigh.)
“Instead of writing a fairy tale?” getting no official answer, Roman supposed.
“A fairy tale that becomes reality. After all, in the beginning was the Word. However, if we are already ghosts, why should we be afraid now? Why are we still stomping in the same place, for example, as I do now in this Mansion, instead of stopping, bypassing or rewriting the programs installed in me during lifetime, in order to…” Roman felt what I wanted to say, but I completed the phrase differently, “… to step aside from this Mansion and proceed further, into the Other Worlds, on the way of Ascension?”
“You have 15 more evenings plus the Ball to do so.”
“Then, am I a ghost?”
“I didn’t say that!” Roman smiled and silently hugged me, rocking me from side to side.
I calmed down, having temporarily switched off my thoughts. However, the devil’s trill of the Guardian wasn’t long in coming.
“The third step aside? And then… fears?” Roman grinned.
Task No. 25. STEP ASIDE No. 3
…The third task of the three steps aside is to step mentally outside of any personal Balls, to rise ABOVE the worlds of those who surround you, as well as your own world. And to look: first, at the situation between you and the person close to you, second, at the person close to you, and then, at yourself — from the point of view of the Creator, with His eyes, and try to feel what He feels looking at you, at a person close to you, and at your story…
***
I returned home, lit the candles and tried to imagine what it was like for all of them — who were already There — to look at us from Above.
However, outside the window, the same Blizzard was still conjuring. And when the candles burned out, still turning from side to side for a long time in search of oblivion, I vainly puzzled over how to make the Blizzard get out of “here and now”…