I can’t take it
I can’t even leave it
I hate/love this
And it is always with me
Following, breathing
She warned me that it will not be easy
She said it will not be comfortable
But I never expected it to be unending
Here I am, struggling to find an exit
Or maybe an entrance
Into a living creature
An evolving beast
If I can’t, who will?
If I am not the one, who is?
I am still in the middle
Undecided
I don’t know if I want power or recognition
Ivory towers or city sidewalks
Control or rebellion
Perhaps even life or death
Neither is a promise and this gamble I can’t afford
What a stupid fucking idea
With all this behind my back
I crawl forward