Sometimes you can not see the skies. God has prepared new tests for you. You are supposed to be strong again, only God knows how tired you are of being strong… You are so tired, extremely exhausted, because all your life is too much for one lonely girl.
You can’t love a man, you can’t choose, because you are a woman, and God did not give the right to choose to women, it belongs solely to man. You can’t choose even a distant virtual dream about love, because even that is completely impossible for you. If you dare to have one, you know for sure that something will definitely happen to destroy your dream and to make you cry. Just exactly like that happened today. Nothing ordinary. Just one more dream has died.
You are supposed to stay strong. But for how long? You were strong during your entire life; you went to study abroad, where you studied alone with no any support from a man, or even from a friend. And you have got a Master’s degree in a technical specialization from an American University; the name of the University does not matter now. It was already more than ten years ago, but you still remember the only one wish you had during that time, namely, it was a hug of man who cares about you, because there is no such a thing in this world as “a strong woman”.
Any woman needs support, even if there is an illusion that she successfully does everything on her own. It is only an illusion. That just means that she is waiting for the right person. And she cares of the fact who this person will be.
You know that is the most impossible thing in this world? You may suppose to win fight with Death and find a source of eternal life or something like that? No, even that fantastic thing is more possible than for a woman to make a man she loves to fall in love with her, if that did not happen at first glance, that will never happen in future. This can not be deserved or earned. She can do nothing about that. She can just cry and let go one more impossible dream…
When your dream dies you can ask the skies “How long am I supposed to be strong?”.
Maybe one day the skies or God will answer.
14.12. 2016.