(An Almost True Story)
Miguel is from Mexico. He is twenty-three. He has black curly hair and sky-blue eyes, he is tall, well-built and unbelievably good-looking. Yet in spite of all that his life has been very hard on him.
When he was four he lost his twin brother Pablo. One sunny day their mother Ramona went shopping and left the pram outside the chemist’s where she met Miranda, a friend of hers. After a short conversation (just a couple of hours or so) she found out that there was only one child in the pram. The poor lady was so shocked that all the passers-by thought she kicked the bucket. So she had to be hospitalized and operated on immediately because the intern thought it was hernia. Unfortunately the inexperienced surgeons mistook her for another patient and had her glands pulled out. When they were carrying her back to the ward, they dropped her and she flew three flights of stairs like a crow from a liquor store.
Miguel’s father Rodriguez was a respected lawyer and was in the habit of working round the clock. He’d noticed that his wife was unusually late from the shops but none of his servants told him the truth. They were afraid it would upset him and as a result he would go on a binge as usual. So each day they produced some plausible excuse, for example: she’s standing in a queue, she’s having a bath in their neighbour’s house, she’s on holiday in Alaska, she is at the dentist’s and so on and so forth.
15 years passed. Ramona was still in hospital. She had come through plastic surgery, had new false teeth, she’d survived through 2 fires, 3 volcanic eruptions, 4 earthquakes and a great number of sewage spills. By the time she’d had wonderful gills instead of her useless lungs and to crown it all, she’d changed her sex, which was rather accidental, you know. Now she was Ramon. As you can guess Rodriguez was unaware of all these developments, but being a good father he knew that somebody had to take care of his son or daughter, whichever it was… so reluctantly he started looking for a baby-sitter. Easier said than done, ha-ha. All his former secretaries had their own children or were about to. Then one morning a beautiful lady came to their house. Her name was Manuela, she was a part-time nurse and was constantly short of money. Miguel was 16, she was 36, no wonder they fell in love at first sight.
One evening the whole family got together in the living-room: Rodriguez, Miguel, his paralysed grandpa José and his blind grandma Thelma with golden-rimmed black spectacles and the latest issue of the Cosmopolitan in her shaking hands. All the servants and Manuella were also there. They were looking through the thick family album remembering those good old times when Miguel’s aunt Matilda was still with them. When Manuela saw her photo she cried out and fainted, and when she came to, she cast a glance at the same photo again and ran out in tears. It goes without saying that none of the present could make out what had happened.
As it turned out later, Manuela recognized her lost mother in Matilda and realized to her horror that Miguel and she were close relatives. Like it or not they couldn’t get married by such circumstances. Something had to be done, that’s for certain. So the young lady went to the arms shop and bought a big gun. Just in case.
Meanwhile Ramon(a) was having another series of blood transfusion. According to the doctor in charge of his/her case it was a necessary thing to do after that grave brain concussion she’d had a couple of weeks before. The hospital shrink (5 children and 4 divorces) heard her mutter something about her twins and it became clear to the doctor that the patient suffered from terrible hallucinations. Well, he knew how to deal with such a malady, and shock therapy (at least 500 volts) seemed to be the only remedy!
As bad luck would have it, the new kind of treatment had a few side effects, stuttering for one. Nevertheless, it was nothing compared to the doctor’s main goal: complete recovery of the patient no matter at what price (not only literally)…
After Manuela had left, Miguel was climbing the walls, his life lost its sense. He couldn’t bear staying in the house where everything reminded him of his first love. So he abandoned his house and started living in a rented flat. He also worked as a reporter at the local paper. It wouldn’t be right to say that Rodriguez didn’t notice his son’s disappearance, but he thought that sooner or later every young man should leave his nest and live on his own. Besides right then Rodriguez had to work night shift and consequently hired a new secretary Isolda. So when it came to real work there was no stopping him.
At the very same time Ramon(a) was in despair. He was living in a hospital, hadn’t the slightest idea who he was and where his family was. He had neither friends nor relatives and one dark night he decided to commit suicide. Unfortunately his suspenders were not strong enough, he fell on the floor, broke it through and landed in the basement.
But as you may know each cloud has a silver lining. When the rescue team arrived three days later they found Ramon in a heap of documents. As it turned out these were the bonds of the Caramba National Bank, 10 million dollars worth. And it meant only one thing – pretty soon all the country wanted to know about its new hero. No doubt Miguel’s editor Alfonso sent him to interview the “new-born” millionaire. When they met at the Hilton, the two men felt at once that they were destined to become bosom friends. And really – they had so many things in common. Judge for yourself: black hair, blue eyes, moles on the left cheek and six fingers on the right hand. It couldn’t be a coincidence, after all! So they decided to make a tour of Europe together.
They bought a luxury yacht, hired a crew and captain and sailed off the very same day. They visited most European countries, dined at fancy restaurants and had a lot of fun. One night the two pals drank too much and swam in one of the fountains in Florence. As a result, the next morning Miguel had a high fever and was on the brink of death. It was then that Ramon realized that the sick young man rolling in delirium in bed was like a son to him. Like a real son…
A doctor was sent for. After he’d examined the patient he found a gold medallion on his chest. Suddenly Ramon remembered about his own medallion, which he used to hide in his darned sock (in case of a robbery of course). The young doctor went white in the face. It dawned upon him that he had the same medallion on his ear as a decoration. Hurriedly the three men compared them and couldn’t believe their eyes: these medallions were identical, there was no denying it! Though the words engraved on them were a little different: “mother, son, another son”. “Oh mother, where have you been?” cried the doctor and the patient at once. As you can easily guess, that doctor was Miguel’s brother Pablo. Many years ago he was kidnapped by the gypsies outside the chemist’s. They transported him to Europe where he went to a parochial school and in the long run became a talented doctor. He knew that his family had stayed somewhere in Latin America but didn’t remember where exactly. Now the whole family was together. There was only one man missing - Rodriguez, the father. But as you remember Rodriguez had never bothered to look for his nearest and dearest, so why should they? And at present circumstances their mother looked like a real father. In other words out of sight, out of mind.
And they lived happily ever after…
P.S. as to Manuela’s destiny, nothing was heard of her ever since. Some people believe that she was sent to jail for jaywalking where she took to Buddhism and reached Nirvana. Others argue that she became the notorious chief of Indian guerilla fighters in the South of Mexico (that’s where the gun eventually fired!). After a long while, she was taken prisoner, tortured by Rammstein songs and publicly executed.
Once in a blue moon young Aztec boys and girls with shining bugles and red scarves come to her tomb by hidden paths in the middle of nowhere. They sing their ritual war songs, drink tequila by gallons and dream about their happy future. Life goes on.