I'm leaning back, I'm reaching out,
I'm trying desperately to tell
You that I've lost my final doubt,
That I am grateful for this hell.
But you refuse to take my hand.
I am rejected as before.
And yet again I'm leaning back.
I'm reaching out for you once more.
Why do I bother? What's the use
Of holding onto this despair?
Why won't I simply swear or curse?
Why do I care? Why do I care?
I'm calling out, I'm standing up
Half-shattered, broken, tainted, frozen,
Not knowing how to stop this. But
At peace with things that I have chosen.
And here you are. With all your might,
With all your thoughts and words you say,
With all the feelings that you hide
Once more you're pushing me away.
July 2017