X-files

Àíàñòàñèÿ Ñïèâàê
1

«I feel like an ocean: a bluebird in the Space».

One rippling emotion
on the dark blue face:
«I wanna be pure».

[Love-in(g)-those-rules]
[Live-in(g)-those-rooms]

I wanna be free.
No money, no honey,
no pink bunny girls,
no price on my rippling body.

I wanna be Three –
Holy Trinity, two and the third.
(Wo)manhood of the soul is singing about the boat
where two and two,
where Noah doesn't care who you are,
where three and three and no one.

I wanna be blank and white,
white-not-night, white-like-light,
White Adam watches in the water
of my glass ceiling.
What are
you doing, my brave knight?
I'm afraid of dichotomic fight.

The glass screen shows every holy war,
every holy warrior with the rippling blank untouched face.
Sorry, My Grace,
my blue h;ze soul,
my everyday electronic unreal husband,
I can't send you letters –
you can search for my shadow and kill me.
(I know you let it.)
I can't write my number,
can't go out my chamber,
can't say my e-mail,
but you, my e-male,
and your bible animal language
are spelling me the voiceless anthem:
«Run, sister».
We see the sea of our brothers
– and we can't trust them.

2
I feel like a Water-Mother.
Like a watercloset
which full of the holy furious thesises.
Separation won't save us.
Separation won't save us.
I'm standing naked and asexual.

Tiny drops on the glass blue ball
don't touch each other.

We are staying absolutely pure –
like snow,
like death,
like the liquid of our unshakable blind lonelinesses.

I'm a drop.
You're a drop.

«No smoking,
hugging,
kissing
and sort of»
– and I'm beginning to smoke,
kissing my cigarette by the timid stupid lips.

I'm watching in the glass screen:
Sisters, I'm seeing the man in the mirror.
He looks like me.

3
Don't touch.
No, touch me everyone.

Sway me,
punch me,
I'm standing on the glass water
like Marina Abramovich.
Shaking.
Defenseless.

The rose or the gun?
The gun or the rose?

Guns'n'roses and tiny death of the blue space,
my heart is a ball of blue Earth,
old ocean who doesn't wanna be separated.

Sisters, I'm listening the voiceless genderless anthem
of the Sea God(dess),
(s)he's watching my naked xxx-soul
like I'm in the porn,
Watching like x-ray in my skinny chest.

X.
XX.
XXX.

I'm crossing the chromosomes,
the Chronos,
the history of our fights.

X.

XX.

X.

My anthem is pure and simple,
your voice, my sweet girl, is frightful –
e-(fe)mails for the all waiting warriors –
«I hate them and love them».
«#MeToo».