'I have no insides. She hollowed me out. My soul. My bank account! I am a bug! A shell! Shall we sing?..'
Duncan Wedderburn
'Poor Things'
***
I find her bound hand and foot.
She's lying in this gloomy basement.
I don't remember how it happened,
though I remember how I bought
that brushy laundry rope.
It's red. It's twenty meters long.
I cut it into equal pieces
to meet my instinct-driven needs,
which sprouted from the purest wishes
of tender boy turned out vicious.
***
But that has never been delicious,
a trial it was for my mind.
The way of thinking given me from parents:
'Be good and wait, then happy life will come!',
fought with the inner need to win right now.
So lucky me, I met the one.
The bird, who sang exactly what I wanted
to hear. She had the power in her wings.
Despite the fact that I'm a human being,
believe me, we spent hours flying.
It was a dream, but real life was coming
trampling our brittle nest with dirty heavy boots.
We woke up when we heard the thunder rumbling
but lightning has already split the world apart.
That day the wheel of fortune stopped.
***
A flower stolen from my spring,
you give this room a luscious scent.
Time has made overripe the marvel:
those years you kept away from me
with Prince 'Who better looks you after'.
And if this story has a prince,
then it must surely have a wyvern
whose goal is to disrupt the Eden's veil.
"I am the one to play this role" —
these words I'm terrified, but say.
As I don't see the other way
to make the broken whole again.
I'll wear the mask of evil hero
to hide the heart that's very kind.
I hope you're curious enough to find the secret.
How to sneak in? Your fortress seems to be sealed.
And that's when I pretend to be a prick.
I spend long nights exploring backyards,
intending to detect the weakest brick.
And it was such a gift to get from you the hint.
***
'Hello. It's me, your bird of luck.
The other day, while cleaning up,
I found that photo where we are together.
Just wanted to say sorry for the mess
I made your life when flew away from you'.
In short, at first I was so shocked.
Could not believe my worn-out eyes.
Then thought: 'If this is not a sign
from providence.. What else to wait?'
The sun came out after gale.
To catch a fish, you need the bait.
It isn't hard, I know her traits:
she's blindly sacrificial, which means
she also is an easy victim.
I asked her for some help.
***
We met in blooming neighbourhood.
She wasn't glowing, rather faded.
And I could smell the longing she exude.
But I was trying not to rush,
to take a closer look, to find the contrast.
We hugged. The thing I've firstly noticed:
She dyed her hair to white from black.
Of all I know one thing for certain:
no matter how she tried, she couldn't bleach or shade;
her darker tales are still inside her head.
'So, how are you?' 'I'm fine,
my life is ticking-tocking'.
'Like winding clock?' 'Oh, yeah'.
'Then how do you wind it up?'
'How do I what?' 'Forget it, never mind'.
We walked through sleepy evening town,
at first cold-blooded, she thawed out.
I've led her to a hidden path I found:
the buried tunnel to undone hotel.
We've always wished to visit it but never dared.
***
'Look, it's vacant, but sufficient,
it's unfinished but complete.
Brutalistic in its impulse
like a giant stranded whale.
Yet it's gentle to its scale.
All around is prone to change
But it stays almost the same.
So, I want to make an offer,
will you stay the same for me?
Yes, you heard it right, dear..'
But while I was still in the middle
of trembling heartfelt speech,
she was already lemon-bitter,
pale as the moon and just as out of reach.
A tarnished needle, a tainted peach.
***
'Leave your Prince and spread your wings,
grab me with your claws.
Carry me, oh, carry me
far away to north.
So distant that our heads and souls
can't become deranged.
To where there are no human laws.
And we're runaways
from clacking jaws and prying nose
of sisters Loss and Faith;
to spot where hearts and brains won't rot
and we won't face the death..'
I've scraped all sentiments
out of my head — no sympathy I met.
Just awkward pressing silence
whistling like an incoming air bomb
at helpless me, next second splitting into atoms.
Wrinkles of despise appeared at her eyes.
Insulted by my mere presence,
so tensed she was, prepared to strike back.
I let her down, she said, distorted her intents.
She said 'betrothal' (but I felt betrayed).
She said they started dating
when we divided. 'I was having a tough time'.
She said he saved her from the dusty boredom.
And that she doesn't want to delve post mortem
into our past. What happened next is known.
***
I find her bound hand and foot.
She's hanging in this moldy chamber.
Now I remember how it happened,
and I remember how she fought
not to be tied down by this rope.
It's red. It's twenty meters long.
I didn't cut it into pieces
I folded it to meet my needs
developed from the bleakest visions
of pristine man became malicious.
***
I want to grasp her attention
through physical limitations.
In search of the forgotten truth,
drowning in the empty pool of youth.
Which still waters have deep bottoms.
I check the knots, then check the pulse,
the first looks 'kay, the second dance.
I try the neck with lips.
My hand goes down, her head goes up.
My hand moves on, the torture starts.
'As I need your light, you need my darkness'.
While I say those words, I tighten the harness.
Her pleading eyes meet my cruel stare.
Now she can't move a single muscle.
She blushes when I make her bare.
***
She mutters prayers and then she screams
but the sound is swallowed by the blank scene.
With a nervous smile, I continue the play.
So fearful she is, when she used to be brave.
Since the breakup 'til now my life's been inane.
I'm tearing the rest of her clothes off.
There's something primal in this wicked flirt.
A love of cruelty or cruel love?
Not much of a difference at this point.
I just want my sorrow to dissolve.
A feeling of excitement in me rises.
I'm entitled to decide her fate.
The puppeteer's threads
move my obedient hands.
I pull the rope, her body hangs.
'While I was trying hard to get you back
I made a solid step from love to hate.
All that was beautiful in me is dead.
The only thing I feel about you
is strong desire to humiliate.'
***
As forfeit for the devastated chest
I'll take a pound of your flesh.
I'm gonna do it your distinctive way
the way you've carefully taught me.
And there's nothing you can do to stop it.
At moment she's completely naked
The next, some feathers germinated
from wet and shivered, ruddy skin.
From top some unclear cracks I hear.
The hotel broke apart, her forces ripped concrete.
'Lift up your eyes, come on, you see?
There's my home, my light, my paradise. You hear?
That's where I came from, that's where I'll disappear.
After you've fallen at my bound feet
don't dare you think of lofty things.
You dreamed of being an immortal creature
at my expense. I led you astray years ago.
Didn't you expect this trick coming at all?
I'm not a bird. An angel, I must say.
I'm cursed. My wing is single and it's black.
The second was cut off: a vice defect.
Pick me. Your soul is mine now. That's my ticket back.'
***
I entered her. And lost my soul.
Then she ascended into skies unfolded.
I was spellbound, mesmerized.
And now I have to wander as an eternal loner.
I feel despair, no relief.
I ended up being the donor to unworldly thief.