Painting "Jesus and a Child of God walking on water" by the author Albina Kumirova.
LETTER 1
31.01.2024
Dear brothers and sisters in Christ,
Praise be the name of the Lord, who works amazingly in our church, revealing the deep secrets of our thoughts! I feel suddenly truly energized by the Spirit, although while writing the poem "Zionism" and following the urge to read it to you, even I could not see the full picture of this purpose. Now it is like a veil falling of my eyes making me understand the meaning of this strange dream that I had a few days prior to that event, in which our minister had asked me to preach to you about brotherly love. I was perplexed by this dream, feeling at the same time also being compelled to read the poem as well. I gathered, perhaps, I should do it all in one go... Your reaction, which I didn't anticipate, but of which the Lord knew in advance, helps now to put the puzzle's pieces together!
I hope that my revelations to you would not be viewed as dead-end confrontation but an opportunity for us to look with fresh eyes on the spiritual condition of the church to correct our vision and our ways, while we still have time! This letter is a wake-up call! My letter is intended to guide you to see what you have totally, totally, totally missed, when the reading of my poem triggered such an ill response, showing your hypersensitive areas.
When people, who claim to be healthy, over-react, usually there is some pain hidden there - a tumour perhaps, stopping them to function properly. This is true for a physical pain, emotional, or spiritual. It stops them living true to what they confess. A person, who is healthy and fit physically, emotionally, and spiritually can face many tests and challenges of life without screaming from pain or running away from the doctor, though it might be hard or uncomfortable sometimes. There is obviously an unhealthy undercurrent running in your group. Your response or even silent reaction to this letter would help me to further diagnose what it is, and if this is a tumour, is it only benign at the moment or malignant.
On Sunday I tried to prepare your hearts with a clear warning about the sensitive subject. I did it out of my sisterly concern, especially as the one of you was having health and anger issues. It would not have been surprising, if he left alone, but, astonishingly, you left my presentation as a group right at the start of my introduction, without even listening to my introduction halfway. Ironically, it was when I was about to read these words of the apostle Peter: "make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love." [in other versions "mutual affection" is translated as "brotherly love"]. This biblical passage is a good check-list to see how much we have achieved in our growth to maturity in Christ.
However, there was no point reading about self-conrol, when the part of the church, who, as it transpired, most needed to hear it, have walked out. Our poor minister, confused by this epic exit, which he never probably experienced in his life, also interrupted me, and I was forced to shorten my message, mentioning only brotherly love.
However, now, remembering your spectacular reaction, I would not hesitate even to expand this quote: "For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is short-sighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins" (2 Peter 1:5-9).
Please, notice what is primarily required of us - not simply the Biblical knowledge or any theological theories but first of all our knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ, i.e. His character, which we have to consume, digest, and incorporate into our souls, as Jesus said, “If you eat me and drink me, you will have life” (John 6:53-54).
In my short talk I quoted the two main commandments of Jesus - to love God with all of our mind, heart, and soul, as well as to love each other. I was so moved by the two songs we sang at the beginning, chosen surely under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, about brotherly love and glory to God! I assumed that the Lord was preparing you for what I was about to tell, but I was wrong! God's ways are mysterious indeed. Instead, He used this incident to expose first the hardness of hearts, showing the contrast between what you sing and what you do (this is called hypocrisy, by the way).
I am sad, of course, to witness this, yet excited about a possibility of a new page in your life, if only you chose to listen to the Lord now. Let me remind you the words of the first song:
"By this shall all know
That you are My disciples,
If you have love one for another."
It is necessary to bring this to your attention: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). I highlighted here a few qualities that you failed to exhibit on the 28th January Sunday service.
When the guest speaker was telling later how he loves this church, because he observed love among us, a thought flashed: "Is he joking? What on earth is he about after witnessing just the opposite?" Perhaps, he said this as a politeness ritual or assumed that you went out for a choir practice? Yet, the Lord used even his sermon to remind through the example of a person, who shut the Bible immediately, as soon as it contradicted her perceptions rather than discussing it. Your behaviour was just like this, showing an irrational fear for anybody's different opinion. People often naturally don't like to get out of their comfort zone, childishly blocking a possibly uncomfortable information, just because they feel inadequate to handle it!
If my words hurt you, please, consider them as hands of a chiropractor who is diagnosing and treating musculoskeletal issues through spinal adjustments to improve joint function, relieve pain, and prevent further injury to improve the blood flow. This procedure can be very painful. So, if the Lord, Our Healer, uses me right now as a spiritual chiropractor to deal with the spiritual sceletal and muscular structure maintening the body of this church, this is for His precious healing blood to be better flowing and absorbed. You are at liberty to accept His free services or decline, choosing the latter to detrimental consequences of your spiritual health.
One cannot claim to know all the truth, "For we know in part and we prophesy in part" (1 Corinthians 13:9). Even the Apostles Paul and Peter had disagreements. Even the greatest theologians have debates. This doesn't stop them being Christians!
Who am I to prove that I am right? So, this letter is not a discourse about theology of Zionism, just as my poem was not designed to challenge yours theology on the subject! Even though it is seemingly on a political subject, it is deeply Christian at its core, it is primarily about our Christian attitude towards the racial injustice and suffering of thousand of innocent civilians, who are not guilty of Hamas' crimes - elderly and ill, children and women. More to it, this letter is about the values and vision of the church.
As you might have half-heard, while you were leaving, that I am neither pro-Palestinian, nor pro-Israeli, but pro-Kingdom of God! I declare a pro-humane attitude towards even hostile neighbours, as Jesus taught us in the parable about a Samaritan.
Here is the poem's final verses about Zionist patriots:
"Indiscriminate to those,
who are innocent at war,
so blindly they chose
truth and justice to ignore!
So openly they're preaching,
favouring barbaric acts.
That is not what Christ was teaching,-
He compassion never lacks!
Not to judge is our business,
but to call for love and peace,
seeking justice and forgiveness,
thus, His Kingdom to increase.
Can't they see - o what a pity! -
our Jerusalem is not
earthly, but a heavenly city -
not a part of evil plot?
Let the Lord to Zionist patriots
shine light as a torch,
getting prejudice and hatred
out of hearts and out of church!"
What part of these passage raises objections in you? Do we have to stand for humanity and justice, rather then siding with perpetrators and even justifying the atrocities of your favoured team? It is not a football, these are human lives! Don't we have to pray for both sides of the conflict? What are you creating of this church - a club of Zionists or a place where anyone could be welcome for healing and growing in Christ to maturity?
I have done the right thing by reading the poem, as the Lord had confirmed it to me by the song that culminated our church service "Fight the good fight". Yet, by refusing to listen and following one person, weak to bear anything controversial because of his poor brain health, hot temper, or both, you inadvertently exhibited :
1. prejudice -how quickly you jumped to conclusion that you know what I was to say before even hearing me! You didn't give me even a slightest benefit of a doubt!
2. pride, arrogance, if you claim that you knew what was in my mind, but only the Lord knows it. Even I didn't know what it was all about until now!
3. fear, or lack of emotional and spiritual maturity to face a different opinion by running away like a herd of frightened animals (what spirit guided you to do this? Surely, not the Holy One!)
4. lack of compassion, harshness: just imagine how one feels, knowing that it would not be easy to speak on a difficult sensitive subject: I slept only 3 hours gathering my courage and thinking what to say, and then I was treated like a doormat for wiping your feet! Was your act designed to humiliate me or you just could not care less? Yet, with Christ in me it failed!
5. egotism (causing embarrassment before strangers - my friend and the guest-speaker. Did you at least consider how other church members might feel with your foolish act?)
6. lack of self-control and perseverance, when you walked out (check fruits of the Holy Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23). Was it that difficult to listen and then to address the issue in love afterwards? What made you to act impulsively, without considering why are you doing this?
7. insulting behaviour, i.e. contempt for the speaker (It is not a pleasant sight when the audience leaves, especially when the audience was supposed to be your friends, and instead of hearing your concerns, they block ears and spit at your efforts to bring the message forth!) The Apostle Paul repeatedly warned us not to judge one another or regard one another with contempt.
8. lack even of the most basic respect, i.e. patronizing attitude of superiority with towering over me in a domineering manner and lecturing me, a nearly 64 years old, as if I were a schoolgirl (would it not better at least to sit down, showing we are on equal terms?).
9. lack of courage, cowardice : instead of talking one to one, you decided to gang up about 8 of you against 1. Bravo! But if I am in Christ, even fighting on my own against the wrongs of this world, I am in majority with Him.
10. impatience, shutting me up collectively and demanding in a dictatorial humiliating manner that I listen to you, when first of all it was you, who refused to listen to me! How bizarre! What rights do you have to tread on a human dignity with your heavy boots?
11. self-righteousness, or lack of humility (Jesus hates nothing more than a self-righteousness! No human can claim a full authority on all truth. Even the greatest scholars are disputing many of biblical topics, still remaining in Christ. Only the Lord knows who are His. He judges us not by how great experts in theology we are but by the state of our hearts, by the fruit we are producing - "love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23).
Should not you have some humbleness to accept that you might be wrong? Even the Apostle Paul didn't claim to know the fullness of truth. "For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears" (1 Corinthians 13:9). "We know that “We all possess knowledge. But knowledge puffs up while love builds up" (1 Corinthians 8:1).
Even assuming that I was wrong, would it not be more Christian to listen and then to discuss calmly our differences? This poem had obviously appeared not in a vacuum. "The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged..." (2 Timothy 2:24). If you truly cared for me, you would have asked gently what have triggered such verses. I didn't create it just because I had suddenly a 'fancy idea', of which I was accused of - to disrupt the service. This is a false allegation.
12. presumptuousness : I don't make a spectacle of myself for the sake of attention, but I fight for the causes the Lord indicates to me to fight, as in the past I did it against social services injustice, or perversion in art, for example, with the gifts of creative skills, which God gave me. Knowing my previous warnings about PLANdemic and vaccines, you should have been well aware that I confront only if I have a deep genuine concern. If our minister failed to warn and protect the flock, someone has to do it.
13. lack of ability to listen (when someone throws accusation at someone without FIRST LISTENING always raises questions about their emotional maturity. "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger" (James 1:19).
14. incredible insolence demanding of me to humble myself and ask forgiveness of the church for reading my poem, which the Lord had put on my heart, especially after it was I, who was already wounded and insulted by your hostile attitude, walking out from my presentation without listening with the intend to humiliate me!)
15. And how insensitive, even cruel it was to attack a wounded person! "Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me" (Psalm 41:9). But the Lord gave me strength and peace to face you, awkwardly hiding your faces while I was collecting books and offering you tea, and even joy of an accomplished task.
16. all of this was crowned by an unveiled heated hatred, when one of you at the table shouted at me "Go away!" Though he is excused for being not well, he surely spilled the spirit that was driving the general mood of the group.
17. anger problem (self-evident)"Human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires" (James 1:20).
18. making a false allegation against my friend by calling her an "anti-Semite" behind her back. Having a balanced neutrality, non-racist view, rejecting a Jewish supremacy is now renamed as "anti-Semitism"! "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise"(Galatians 3:28-29).
Labelling an opponent is a typical behaviour of bullies, who refuse a constructive dialogue for fear that their inner world perception might crumble. It actually so well illustrates these words of my poem:
"they've successfully created
among Christians a cult.
Who protests is denigrated
with a scorn or an insult."
19. malice, even malice, my dear brothers and sisters! To invite me to sit with you at the table with a false sly smile, calling me "darling", saying that you would miss me - only in order to attack me then as a pack of hyenas !
20. hypocrisy (self-evident) "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye" (Matthew 7:5). Your behaviour demonstrated to me that you actually despise me! "Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen" (1 John 4:20).
If you can't love me, would I believe that you love Israel, whom you seem to idealize? More so, are you even capable to love God with hearts so cruel, harsh, and insensitive? Do you think, He needs your songs and praises, when you treat a foreigner, your sister in Christ, in your group like a piece of dirt? "The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself" (Leviticus 19:34). See how Israelites treat abominably Palestinians and you approve of it! Would you treat me like this when the time is ripe for persecution? What perverse theology are you studying?
21. manipulation (which is the spirit of Jezebel). Could it not be more honest to tell me straightaway: "Can you stay, because we want to talk to you?" Plus, putting pressure and intimidation on someone to accept your point of views is utterly unacceptable for a servant of God. We can only use persuasion. Anyone should feel free to come to their conclusions on their own accord, by having an opportunity to weigh up facts through study, discussions, but not being bullied into submission by the domineering group for the sake of fake "unity" just to fit in.
22. bullying cultic tendency. Only cults dominate their members through psychological manipulation and pressure strategies. Are you planning to make a cult organisation out of this church? Only cults abuse members, believing that the leader is right at all times and that the leader is the exclusive means of knowing “truth” or giving validation. I am not saying that you are already in a cult, but I warn you that you are quickly heading in a wrong direction, using manipulation, a dictatorial tone of the voice, shutting me up, putting pressure, and even telling me that I have to get rid of my possessions (i.e. my painting)! Can you press on your breaks, wake up from this mad race into abyss please?
22. lack of a spiritual discernment. Satan wants to tear us apart; his minions pushed this controversial agenda to fracture churches. It is easier for him to control people fighting against each other rather than to face them fighting with him. I am bewildered about your position, as you more than other people in the church are aware that 90% of media is controlled by globalists corporations serving satanic purposes, and you are buying now their narrative?! Look at the sources first! Can't you see a bit of cognitive dissonance here creeping in your views?
In my opinion, there is far a more deeper and sinister purpose for this Middle Eastern conflict than meets the eyes, more than for the USA to make another good profit on wars, as they do it usually around the world. Gaza strip is an experimental zone for globalists to practice skills of managing people in deprivation, hunger, concentration camps, uprooting them from homes, etc. They plan such future for us too, already starting with their new scare tactics! One of their goals is to make us indifferent to other peoples' suffering, priming our hearts to be hard for what is about to happen in the world, passively watching crimes committed in front of us, and even approving of them. And are you buying their lies? The hardness of your hearts towards me, your sister in Christ, indicate that they primed it in hatred and harshness even more towards Palestinians, whom you have never met!
23. idolatry. Refusing to listen is often a sign of idolatry and cult mentality, when something rather than the Lord is so dear to you, you can't bear to be challenged! If you are truly sure of your beliefs, if Christ is in you, then you would have no fear to defend your faith or any views with a firm, passionate, or gentle attitude - but never hostile!
Tell me what have I done wrong except raising concern for some Christians justifying barbaric acts of Israel, the country they put in their hearts as an idol? I have already voiced my concerns on the subject of Christian attitude towards Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and you did so well at my previous reading, when I confronted you with the poem "There is the door!" But now I am truly disappointed in you, when you couldn't even bear my words, being puffed up by your pride or terrified to hear a different opinion. Ironically, finally it was you, who walked out through the door (Jesus has a marvellous sense of humour!).
24. spiritual confusion, lack of understanding priorities. What spirit were you following? What had guided you in such ugly conduct - a false security of numbers? feeding on each other's pride, what, tell me please? or just a crowd/herd mentality following a hot-headed person, who admits he is not well in his head? His action is far more understandable than yours, who I believed to be the wisest in the church, and now I see how wrong I was! Do you think that this "sweet-smelling aroma" of the bouquet of these ennumerated traits manifested on that day is pleasing to the Lord? Like a mother bird chewing worms and putting in the beaks of her offspring, I am chewing the worms of your failures for you to swallow and easier to digest, but would you even look at these traits to see what is blocked from your eyesight? Only a person, in whom the hunger for a true life is not yet stifled, who wants to be like Jesus, hungry for a personal growth would accept being wrong when he/she is so clearly wrong as you are now.
25. creating chains and lack of trusting. I believe that we are free to express our concerns in the church, if it is our family, but now you plan to gag and censor the Spirit of Christ in me, declaring by this act me to be not trusted! Have I ever betrayed your trust? What kind of relationship is that? Do you want, fearing the unknown, a church to be dead with predictable rituals, so nothing would disrupt the nice flow of your services, or do you want to invite Jesus, who occasionally might overthrow your tables? Let the Holy Spirit naturally flow, where He wants to go, don't stiffle it with your regimented attitide! That is how the "love of many would grow cold", because the blood of Christ doesn't reach the members of the body, when our spiritual organs get calcified with their sinful inclinations and rigid mental framework!
26. judgementalism : Cristicism should start with ourselves, daily inspecting our hearts and confessing to the Lord our sins. We all have our preconceived ideas, distorting the values and the image of Christ in us. But would you throw away a found on the ground dusty diamond, looking nothing like your sleek fake jewellery in a presentable beautiful box shining on a velour padding? Would you discard it just because it is rough on the edges and doesn't reach your narrow-minded conventional expectation? This is what Pharisees did to Jesus!
"Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand" (Romans 14:4). We all live in glass houses, we all fragile and need to respect fragility of others.
27. causing division in the church : Bizarrely, it was me, who was accused of causing disunity! Yet, if you look closer at the Scriptures, it is not our views about Zionism, Ukraine, or PLANdemic that should be uniting us: "Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity" (Colossians 3:13-15). Of course, it would be a lot easier (and for some people even desirable), if we all could hold the same views about everything, but how boring it would be! And the Lord could use these differences to test us on occasions, if they are producing fruits of the Holy Spirit, chequing if we are progressing, capable to demonstrate between ourselves and even to our opponents the abilities to have discussions in love, joy, and peace, with patience, forbearance, and self-control, when we disagree, remembering that if the Lord had created so different it is for a reason!
Have I not reminded you during our Bible study discussions or other moments that we should never forget that while each one of us holds on like a dog to a bone to our cherished views, fighting for them to prove the point or defending our ego, the Lord meanwhile looks at the situation from a totally different perspective, taking a notice of how each of us reacts to challenges? He, like a true good Father, is not so much interested who is right in these disputed topics as much as in the state of our hearts and the spiritual progress of souls.
Had you walked through the right door, the Door, which is our Lord Jesus Christ, the door of meekness and love, you would have spared yourself this letter's rebuke. Yet, somehow I am very glad for the situation revealing the grim reality of our church, as it opens the door for rethinking and confronting ourselves, looking at Jesus, as our mirror, where we can see ourselves with all our faults and repent. But would you really humble yourselves? This is a big question.
I have serious doubts about it, seeing that one of you already started to dig faults in me (of which I am sure, I have many), demonstrating controlling spirit.
28. this controlling spirit is not in one person, but several of you dictating me: a) to humble myself and apologize to the church for reading this poem; b) collectively barking or yapping at me to shut up and listen; c) even suggesting in a condescending/patronizing way that I should discard my painting of a jester, which I have painted 30 years ago, hanging in my dining room, where we shared meals together. Why none of you so far objected to it being there earlier, if you find anything wrong with the subject? Why now, as if there was some itching eagerness to poke me with something unless some evil spirit pushed you? Yet, teaching me what and how to paint, coming from a person, who does not even know how to paint her own face in a godly modest manner, this is rich!
But until now I have been accepting the way you are with all your shortcomings and peculiarities. Why can't you accept the way I am and what the Lord had put on my heart to tell you? Seeing specks in others' eyes is so-o-o easy! Accepting our faults is the hardest thing to do. Yet, I urge you to be thoroughly honest with yourself when facing the Lord in prayer on your own, without any noise distracting you, without seeking the external attention with your impressive Bible knowledge, group support of your theology, or admiration for your spiritual talents. There, in the depth of your inner self, seek your real purpose of your being in Christ - holiness, without which none of us can see the Lord.
What am I to expect next from you, when the times are perilous, and we are to expect diseases, famines, wars, and dictatorship such as the world have not known before? Seeing this spiteful dark attitude, am I to expect that someone would denounce me, knowing my views?
My letter is not intended to upset anyone, but only to point that before you gang up and demonstrate self-righteousness, please examine your own hearts. In the same manner, my poem too was designed to direct you to look at your own hearts and actions defending the perpetrators, when there is without a doubt a genocide of Palestinians, even of thousands of children. This is happening just like the extermination of Jews in the Nazi Germany with the silent accord of the church. It is a crime against humanity! It was against this silent accord with the murders of innocent people I have raised my voice! How do you even dare to ask me to apologize for that?! If you do, then you are blind indeed. Ask Jesus for an eye ointment.
Israel would not have been kept in an International Court for genocide and apartheid, had there been no evidence. Defending wrongdoing of Zionists smacks of a cult. Please, beware of falling yourself into a spiritual trap! How presumptuous it was of you to tell me that I am in a "mortal spiritual danger"!
The Lord primarily interested in the state of your hearts, how obedient you are to Him: "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:35), and only then he wants to know what theories and even how much Bible knowledge there is in your brains. Pharisees knew the Scriptures inside out, and they still missed Jesus!!! You even can be 100 times right with your theology, but when you justify perpetrators, inadvertently you approve of unlawful dislocation of civilians, murders and wounding of thousands of children, or their limbs being amputated without an anaesthetic, then you join in the crimes with your complicit accord! The Lord is watching where is your heart is!
We are not to take sides but to pray!
I have absolutely nothing to apologize for. My poem was inspired by Christ and compelled to be read in church to warn you not to fall into the trap of Zionists, who believe that Israel does nothing wrong and we have to support and whitewash even its wrong actions. Why don't you then in the same breath approve of their atheism, LGBT parades, etc.?
I am not entering into any theological disputes with you about Israel: if you didn't manage to learn even basic elementary principles of a Christian character and conduct, how could you teach me anything about theology? How can I even trust you, when you are so carnal?
I am fully aware of my own shortcomings, looking in the mirror of the Scriptures. "We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check" (James 3:2). We all make mistakes, we are all human, and there is a beauty in our differences. My letter is not to humiliate you but to re-think what church is, what it is for, and how we can increase our inner growth. If the soil of your hearts is good, it will produce good fruit of your character and brotherly love, which would reflect as a result in good deeds and a sound theology. At our minister's place I would have concentrated more on addressing the issues of our rotten hearts rather than on fashionable hypothetical theories to tickle our ears, on which even the greatest scholars do not agree, and which made some of the church members feel superiour to others.
If you feel resentment because of this letter, spare yourself please any attempt to throw stones at my character in retaliation or waste your breath on lecturing me. All I have done with this letter is trying to loosen your stiff spiritual skeleton and muscles, or allowing the Lord to plough through the soil of your hearts reminding you about His eternal values of compassion to suffering people as well as about brotherly love and to plant the seeds of repentance. If there are more hard stones than soil in your hearts, then what can the Lord do with you? If this letter loosened the ground, disturbing weeds and hard stones blocking His Light, or made visible a few parasites in your hearts, then deal with them please, without delay, watering the seeds with your tears!
Just remember: had I not ñared for you, I would not have bothered to write this lengthy letter but would have walked out without a word. So it means, I still have hope for you to humble yourselves and dramatically change your attitude.
I think, I'd better stop at this, otherwise I will end writing a whole book for you, but you have already THE BOOK. So, read it and grow up!
Wishing you all Lord's blessing,
Love in Christ,
Albina
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LETTER 2
14.03.2024
Dear church,
It came to my knowledge that the pro-Zionists group in your church not only doesn't show any slightest signs of repentance, which would be a natural thing for a Christian to do, but actually it is even spreading a false information about me, i.e. that the reason for me no longer to be a part of the church, allegedly, was because I "have brought politics into the church". This is contrary to the reality. As such, it could be classified as slander, which is a serious crime in God's eyes, as "no slanderer...will inherit the Kingdom of God" (1 Corinthians 6:10).
However, if it was not an attempt to hide your guilt for mistreating me, but your memory simply became genuinely confused, let me please remind you who brought politics into the church and how this conflict developed.
It was not me who initiated this Middle Eastern political subject but the person, who was first saying in his prayer: "If there is here a supporter of Hamas, there is the door!" No single person then did object it, no one raised concerns about 'politics in the church'! What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Why did you not reprimand or at least stop the person now and then, when the political subject was brought up? Yet, some members of the church apparently are "more equal than others". While it is OK to bully and ostracise me (is it because I am Russian?), others can enjoy freedom of saying whatever they like.
I thought then: "Who on earth would support Hamas here? Yet, suppose if such people come to find out about Jesus, is this a right attitude to throw a person away without even trying to bring him to Christ? Should we not simply pray for both parties at war?" It produced a spark of inspiration for the poem "There is the door!" born in response to this prayer. Caring for the person, who had inspired it, in order not to upset, I prepared his heart by gently warning him before reading it in front of you. This poem was not bringing politics into the church. Quite the opposite, it was my attempt to divert some ardent misguided hearts away from politics towards the Lord Jesus Christ as the only Door for us.
The poem culminated with the following words:
I am declaring therefore:
thanks God, my Lord, there is the Door!
This Door, the Heaven's sacret gem,
it only opens to them,
who enemies forgive and feed,
and help a poor in his need,
whose hearts are filled with love,
forsaking envy, lust, or greed.
Such people, seeking Truth, succeed
to find blessings from above,
awaiting us in store.
Oh, don't go sideways,
but in your heart Christ Jesus praise:
thanks God, there is the Door!
(full version is available on http://stihi.ru/2023/11/10/399)
Yet, as if it went between your ears, lopsided prayers were continuing to come, as well as I was put under constant 'drip-drip-drip' pressure by my tenant, who was either acting on your advice to "educate" me or of his own volition, showing me pro-Israeli cheap propaganda clips, saying nonsense etc, but I excused him for being immature.
This was also aggravated by another church person, who had shown an absolute zero ability for a constructive dialogue, blocking his ears and running away, and later in his texts calling me even "Satan", but I still excused him for being not well in his head.
Seeing that people were too absorbed in this dispensation divisive theory, on which even greatest scholars disagree and therefore it should not be promoted, if your goal is to live in peace and obedience to Christ, I made another attempt to bring these pro-Zionists to some sense by reading publicly the poem "If you are My disciples", admonishing to focus on Jesus alone
http://stihi.ru/2023/11/14/7672, which ends with these verses:
Stay focused on My teachings every day,
from Me alone Truth and Justice stream.
Then any problem wouldn't make you prey
to any cunning trick or wicked scheme.
When you on Me alone concentrate,
preserving in My Spirit all your soul,
My love through you would freely emanate
and make all other issues rather small.
Again to no effect, as I also sensed your group began distancing from me because I was not simply buying the theory, in which I smelled a rat, especially after discovering who were the authors of it and who financed such indoctrination among Christians. I was shocked that the church members, who were among the most alert regarding other controversial subjects (vaccines or Ukraine), became the most blind with regards to Israeli-Palestinian war, justifying genocide (years of priming their brains prior to this war must have had an effect).
Rather than submitting to a subtle manipulative or agressive peer pressure, I preferred to examine the matter personally like the Berean church ("And the people of Berea were more open-minded... They searched the Scriptures day after day to see if Paul and Silas were teaching the truth." Acts 17:11).
Until this Middle Easten conflict I was hardly interested in the Zionism, but now I am discovering very different explanations on the subject from preachers, who used to be themselves brainwashed for decades in Zionists propaganda but had a courage to reverse under the Holy Spirit's guidance and expose lies. Seeing some minds clouded in the church being and hearts becoming hard, lacking compassion for suffering people of Gaza, I was compelled to write "Zionist patriots" poem.
This was my third and last attempt to bring attention of this Zionist group to focus on Jesus and his values rather than their theories about Israel, which became an idol for them. The poem was ending with the following words:
Let the Lord to Zionist patriots
shine light like a torch,
getting prejudice and hatred
out of hearts and out of church!
http://stihi.ru/2024/01/17/4368
As you can see, no one of you tried to stop the subject of Israeli-Palestinian politics, except me with my poems - three times!!! I wonder, how did you miss it? Is it just a misunderstanding or because the minds blinded by cult-like theory became hardened, making ears deaf to this blatant truth?
Prior to reading the last poem I even tried to speak shortly about brotherly love that should prevail in the church, as the Lord had instructed in my dream. At that time I myself could not figure out why but obeyed. Now I see that He wanted to stir you in the right direction.
While I was writing it, I was thinking that verses were coming out rather harsh, as I viewed you in much brighter colours. I have even invited a friend, who had advised me before to run away from such church, telling her that 'they are not that bad, just confused', hoping that after meeting this lovely lot she would join this church. Yet, this group's reaction, who didn't even bother to listen but dared to attack me as a pack of jackals and to lecture me after the service, demanding an apology, was beyond my worst expectation! They forgot the teachings of Paul: "...as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience" (Colossians 3:12).
Wow, the Lord knew your hearts better than me and wanted to expose your poor spiritual state! The 5th February Committee meeting exposed even more vile behaviour from a Christian brotherhood, only confirming that the last poem was spot on.
So, He inspired me to write the letter dated 28.01.24, bringing to attention some manifested traits of a worldly behaviour, hoping to help you to see it from the outside, to humble yourselves and start building up a Christian character rather than getting on a high horse and demagoguing about Israel. How can you understand about Israel, when you have failed miserably even in basic teaching of our Lord? Jesus said to those, who believed in Him, “If you obey my teaching, you are really my disciples; you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:31), i.e. one cannot know the truth until you obey!
There is obviously a pharisaic lack of repentance and yeast of arrogance in this church, against which the Lord had strongly warned His disciples:“Watch out! Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees” (Matthew 16:6). The virus of self-righteousness is destroying the body of Christ, and the demons are having their hay day.
Our Lord hated nothing more than hypocrisy and did not mince His words: "Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness" (Matthew 23:26-28).
My letter was motivated by a desire to help to correct your mistakes, but you failed even to understand what it was all about. Still, I had to write it anyway, as it says in Ezekiel 33, "if you do not speak out to dissuade them from their ways, that wicked person will die for their sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood". So, my hands are clean! I warned you.
Those, who have read my letter prior to me sending it to you, approved it as 'written with grace', 'biblical', 'reasonable'. It was amazing to hear during the Committee meeting this letter being labelled as 'demonic', 'diabolical', 'unbiblical', though not a single example was produced to justify such slander. Even though none of the accusers even have heard the poem, the reading of my poem was called 'witchcraft'! I found the latter especially endearing, coming from Jezebel of the congregation! Is it any surprise that the most vociferous accusations were thrown by those who practice demonic tongues? "By their fruit you will know them" (Matthew 7:16).
Of course, by then I have already decided in my mind that I should be no part of this church, when, instead of listening to my call to focus more on Jesus, when the minister carried on this divisive subject of Israel in his sermon at the Sunday service prior to this Committee meeting (fish rots from its head?). He did it in favour of those itching ears wanting to hear it, as these people readily exhibited their approval with exclamations like "That was great!", "More of it, please!" Let me remind the words of Apostle Paul in Galatians 1:10 "If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ."
Alas, the minister even gloated at the end of his preaching that "Israel will win and would occupy whatever will be left of Russia ". How deeply unprofessional this is for a shepherd to deliberately aim trying to hurt someone in the flock, being well aware that my origins were in Russia! Ironically, he didn't even notice that he himself was bringing politics into his sermon, yet, demanding of me not to do it!
I don't blame him for being stuck in his theological errors, understanding that the old age makes the brain rigid for a fresh look on familiar Scriptures. Besides, any viewpoint about Israel is not even crucial for salvation of souls, so why to push it? But surely, he should have known that being pro-Israeli or not does not saves lives but REPENTANCE and GOD'S GRACE! Even if I am 100% wrong in theology of Zionism, this doesn't justify such conduct in Christians, who are called to show patience even to their adversaries in faith. It is holiness that the Lord wants us to produce, not the boasting who knows what!
Growing spiritually not just in knowledge but in practice producing fruit of the Holy Spirit is what shows souls to be truly alive, not "dead in their sins". We know from Galatians 5:22-23 that "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Ask yourselves, are such fruit cultivated in this church at all?
Even more unprofessional it was to expel a church member, who did not sin against the church but only wanted to build up souls, warning the church about the wrong direction it was taking! Suppose that it was me, who was a sheep wondering away from the truth, then the elders should have used a gentle persuasion and reasoning for the sake of brotherly love and unity. Jesus would leave even 99 sheep in the fold to get one lost. As I am only human, fully aware of my own faultiness (none of us is perfect), I would welcome any guidance from wiser people, if it done with a right attitude.
Of course, in our case it was this half of a dozen, who were lost in blatant sins of pride, hypocrisy, and prejudice! Understandably, the minister was good with maths: it is better for one person to leave than to lose contributions of many, even if they are destroying the body of Christ by their ills. But this is a worldly attitude, acting more like a hireling than a pastor with a Christ-like attitude, who cares for every sheep.
This dear minister demonstrated a total lack of a pastoral care, despite being a man of a great learning and gentle appearances. Yet, because of his age who could blame him? It is amazing that he is still even able to preach!
However, the Bible warns: "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. If anyone supposes that he knows something, he does not yet know the way he ought to know. But if anyone loves God, this person has been known by him" (1 Corinthians 8:2-3). You might object that you love God, but if you do not love your fellow humans, whom you can see, then you cannot love God, whom you cannot see, according to 1 John 4:20.
Without any focus on practical building up characters of individual souls and helping people from different backgrounds and ages to coexist as a church family in brotherly love and peace any church can become at best an immature spiritual kindergarten with Peter Pan syndrome and at worst 'vipers' nest. "You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of"- these words of Jesus in Matthew 12:34 should put us on the red alert about how we use our mouth.
This inability to look inside into inner being in the light of the Word of God and to grow while dealing with conflicting opinions is a spiritual illness. This demonstrates an unhealthy state of their souls. The church should be primarily a place for healing, nourishing, and restoring souls, not a club for interests.
One such ill person had already vehemently exhibited his irate temperament and intolerance for several months, creating stressful situations during Bible studies, making everyone aware of his malignant tumour of pride, causing him an inflammation of anger. Should it not have rang the bell of alarm then and dealt with love and guidance and, if continued, with rebuke? Was any of such outbursts ever followed by a preaching about anger problem or any other issue that would help people to reflect the image of Christ?
I personally have tried on several occasion to remind during Bible studies and in private conversations with that person that while people are trying to win arguments, the Lord at that time might have a very different agenda: He is watching how we react, if we are showing our Christian attitude. Perhaps, this is why God had allowed for these differences to exist in order to shake us up and select them, who know His voice.
I could see that pro-Zionists in the church were trapped, locked in their prejudice, and it was too much at this stage to expect any sorrow in hearts for their conduct, as not even a slightest apology was produced even in respect of basic human ethics, but all blame was shifted on me. Does it not remind you about Adam and Eve shifting the blame? What is distinguishing a mature person from an immature is taking responsibility for their actions.
Still, I went to this meeting because of my desire to give an opportunity if not for repentance but at least for a constructive grown-up dialogue, which would have shown a desire for a mutual understanding as a starting point.
The Committee meeting, however, resembled far more a kangaroo court, in which Jesus was condemned, with a couple of demonically possessed ones aggressively attacking me while others were sheepishly led by them, afraid in a state of confusion to voice against the dominant figures bullying me. A heavy-handed condemnation language was used, culminating in voting to expel me. Jezebel even advised me to be careful with her, alluding to her "powers", of which I don't know. Later that week she denied it in our private encounter, saying that I was lying. I reminded that there were witnesses, and she went ballistic, shouting that she said this only because I "was about to attack her"! Again, she forgot that there were witnesses!
Yet, I am very thankful to you, as it gave me valuable experience of having a glimpse into what Jesus went through, as well as joy of being out of this spiritual mud.
This inspired my poem "Modern day pharisees" http://stihi.ru/2024/03/01/8718. I share here the final verses of it:
Self-righteous, complacent with their sins,
of their salvation they themselves assure.
But what does their error underpins?
It's not the Holy Spirit, to be sure!
Oh blind pharisee, alas, alas!
You may appear dignified and smart,
but vainly you search for a bypass
to Jesus, who is looking in your heart.
To discuss my letter openly could be a first step on recovery of spiritual health in the church, without which it can exist only as a dead shell without true body of Christ living in it.
Would you have courage to address the issue and make copies of this letter for everyone? I doubt it. Could I in my human strength have any hope for people, who loved lies more than truth? However, I believe that for God everything is possible. As every day brings us closer to the day when we have to give an account to the Lord, it would be wise to look deep into your hearts and to be honest with yourselves.
Wishing you every God's blessing, especially the gifts of humility and discernment.
Albina
________________________________
LETTER 3
13.04.2024
Dear church,
I still call you "church", even though the more I learn about what is going on in your circle, the more I am forced to question if you even fully understand the definition of the word "church" - not just as the building or an assembly of believers in a particular location spot, a bunch of followers of Christ in a building, but in a much broader sense, as what the Lord Jesus had in mind, i.e. the whole BODY of professing Christians throughout the world, which "the gates of Hades will not overcome" (Matthew 16:18).
I mean the body of Christ with people of various backgrounds, ages, races, and political views, where the eligibility of membership is hidden and seen only by God the Father, who "searches the heart" (Romans 8:27). In this respect, it is not belonging to a certain group with often questionable theological preferences, but the issues of human hearts (acknowledgement of sins, repentance, and transformation), what become defining for the Lord to distinguish wolves in sheep's clothing and true sheep among His flock. Without problems of hearts being addressed in the light of this Christ's teaching, any group is in a danger to become a mere club by interests.
You'd ask, why is this prelude and what prompted me to write to you once again? Ok. Let's go straight to the point what concerns me in you and what connection it has to my sudden discovery that the painting in the Sunday service room was missing. I am obviously talking about my large canvas, on which I have depicted the Lord Jesus Christ, walking on water in a stormy weather with a dove in His right hand representing the Holy Spirit and with the other hand holding the hand of a Child of God, encouraging her not to be afraid and leading to walk forward on water.
I could have not bothered mincing my words but simply told you without any preamble how shocked and disgusted I was that some of you decided to remove the last reminder of me in the church building, thus once more exposing their hidden burning hatred towards me.
Yet, from a godly point of view, you need a lesson to understand something about brotherly love, about which I was told in my dream to speak to you a few months ago, and without which any church group becomes just an orchestra of "resounding gongs" and "clanging cymbals" (1 Corinthians 13:1). And this 'musical' group, as much as you coordinate your actions and appear united in your zeal to 'sing the same song', does not please the ears of Our Lord. He wants from us faith, hope and love, which would remain for eternity. As it says in 1 Corinthians 13:13, "But the greatest of these is love."
What had provoked you to suddenly remove this painting, loved by many, soon after you decided to expel me? Me, who only had tried on several occasions to stir you away from your idol-worshipping of Israel towards focusing on Christ alone, inconveniently for your pride, when I have done nothing wrong to you but only tried to serve God.
Am I persecuted for daring to challenge the dominant group's views with my poems or for consequently exposing in my letters your over-reaction - the conduct, which exhibited inadvertently your hidden sins? Then many thanks to you, because "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 5:10)!
OK, this painting contains an autobiographical element in it, as I used my own image as the model for the Child of God figure. So, did this fact of a visual reminder of me serve you as a motivation to get rid of the painting as well, in the same manner as you decided to get rid of me? Was this painting echoing my existence, bringing some memories, uncomfortable for you to bear? Was it disturbing your conscience, stirring it up thoughts of how badly you have treated me? Did you want to discard the painting in order to quieten your conscience down, so your sinful acts could stop resurging in your mind again and again?
Or perhaps, you considered this innocent painting to be also as a trap, in the same manner as the minister called the two leather settees that I have offered prior to that kangaroo style committee meeting, where the minister in his heart already decided to get rid of me and therefore suggested that the settees could become a Trojan Horse! Goodness me! How utterly naive, childish, and ridiculous! As if somehow I might want to come back for them and sneak into your ranks after I lost all my trust in you!
Even though my own decision was already made prior to that committee meeting after the Sunday service to no longer to be a part of this congregation, where my human dignity could be walked over and where false doctrines are fed down your throat, still, there was no need to judge me by your own standards of meanness, manipulation, and malice.
I was not planning to collect even this painting, let alone to come back for some second-hand settees! I was offering them, knowing full well that I was not going to sit on them but assumed that, put in the corner, these pieces of furniture could help you to bond in a brotherly love after the church services in a more comfortable way. Oh, yeah! Suddenly I understand now: they would not be so comfortable after all, reminding who had donated them!
When I have offered this painting a few years ago to be displayed in the church building, it was considered, discussed, and unanimously approved at one of your committee meetings. To my knowledge, the congregation and visitors alike, all enjoyed looking at it. It surely brightened up the space and made the room look more cheerful.
It did not cross my mind to ask, just because I left this congregation, to return my work or to take it secretly back while I had keys to access the radio studio. The painting in the church building and my exit from the congregation were completely different unrelated matters in my head, but surely, they were not in yours! If I go, then my painting has to go too, is this the logic? This work of art did not seem to disturb anyone for a few years, then why suddenly after my departure it became an eye-sore?
My absence among your ranks did not mean that I viewed your congregation as no longer a part of Christ's body, even if some well-meaning people advised me to consider you as such. After all, as a Christian, I cannot know for sure who among you are His, although personally I may well guess who is who and doubt some, who claim to be Christians.
We all know that in the last days many wolves will be among God's sheep. "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves," said Jesus (Matthew 10:16). Here are some facts taken from the article "5 Red Flags of Potential Wolves in the Church": 1. Wolves Focus on Anything but Truth; 2. A Wolf‘s Character Does Not Match Their Title; 3. Wolves Produce Bad Fruit; 4. Wolves Take the Glory from Jesus; 5. Wolves Take Advantage of the Sheep.
A few more useful observations from this article: "Wolves are predators who hunt in packs. They are territorial and skilled communicators. Some of the greatest wolves of all times have been some of the most influential and great speakers. They are polished, attractive, and great at winning the hearts of audiences. Not only this, but wolves hunt in packs, so they gather others to get in on the hunt together... They dominate... When wolves sneak in, there will be attacks as a result." Does it remind you of someone in your congregation? Someone domineering, who tried to tear me into pieces?
OK, it is not my business to judge. Yet, to be discerning I must, as Jesus advised to "be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves". Let the Lord deal with each person individually! Nevertheless, for some reason He made it my business to point at your weaknesses - perhaps, to help you to see yourself as a reflection in the mirror of His Word and compare yourselves with the Christ's image. He must have not yet given up on you, as I did, and He still wants to transform you... "For who has known the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?" (1 Corinthians 2:16). So, bear with me please!
It grieves His Spirit to see believers refusing to look at the Word (which is another name for Jesus), as in the mirror. "Be doers of the word, and not hearers only. Otherwise, you are deceiving yourselves. For anyone who hears the word but does not carry it out is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror, and after observing himself goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like" (James 1:23-24).
Just because some of your pro-Zionist group openly expressed their hatred and even a threat to me "to be careful", this does not mean for me that I should deprive the others, who loved the painting from seeing it. To leave the wall empty could have hurt their feelings, and it would have been very spiteful from my part or at least unconsidered.
Yet, some of you did not hesitate to be insensitive to other people, who loved this piece of art, when they secretly decided to remove it without consultation with the rest of the congregation.
This happened regardless of the fact that, if the painting was acquired via a committee meeting, then it should have been removed also by a similar procedure, with the congregation's agreement or with the committee's decision. I was told before that nothing in this building was brought in or taken out without a prior decision being taken by the committee meeting.
Without such vote and a publicly made decision, this naturally poses questions of how these individuals were planning to explain the painting's absence to other people and what was their motive? Were they intending to lie, saying that the artist herself decided to take the picture down and collect it? Then, why? Why? To portray me as mean and vindictive, so then those, who missed me in the church, would feel better about my absence (i.e."good riddance") and stopped including my name in their prayers? But lying is the act of Satan, because from the beginning of creation, Satan has been the "father of lies" (John 8:44).
Some among you there, obviously, continue to consider themselves 'more equal than the others', acting like the sons of Israel in 2 Kings 17:9, who "did things secretly which were not right against the Lord their God. Moreover, they built for themselves high places in all their towns, from watchtower to fortified city". Similarly, such individuals built for themselves indeed "high places" in the congregation, showing disrespect (with their lack of consideration) not only to me, but to others as well.
This selfish thoughtlessness brings us back to the question of lack of brotherly love. Should I really remind you the two greatest commandments emphasized by Jesus in Matthew 22:37-39 - to love God with all our hearts, minds, and souls, and strengths, and to love our neighbour as ourselves? As all the laws of the Bible depend upon these, what good is in your theology, if it does not produce even a basic understanding of the most important commandments from the Lord?
Even if there are no wolves among you, there are certainly those who are in a great error, which in my understanding, had originated from the erroneous Scofield theology. This theory had already produced hardened hearts, who ferociously defend racism and genocide of Palestinians in Gaza. After this dehumanisation of human beings it does not seem to be a crime to disparage and humiliate a sister in Christ of a foreign origin, especially as there is zombifying propaganda against Russians as well in the media! Let globalists congratulate you and rejoice for finding 'useful idiots'!
This incident with removing the painting only exposes once more the malicious intention to hurt and to insult me - in fact, to spite me and to spit into my face. Such behaviour, let us agree, does not produce a good Christian image in you, exposing again a rotten nature of hearts.
Not only the picture was taken down, but no one even bothered to inform me about it! Was it again thoughtlessness or a simple cowardice? I would not have discovered what had happened to my painting, had I not came on Tuesday to do some work at the radio studio and by chance popped in upstairs in order to make a cup of tea, not knowing that the kitchen was ripped off there in order to be replaced by a new one. Passing through the room where your Sunday services are usually held, I noticed that my artwork was no longer on display! Eventually I found it on the floor downstairs, turned away to the wall.
I phoned my tenant, whom I have introduced to this church three years ago, asking if he knew anything about what was going on. He panicked and sheepishly admitted that he was told to let me know that the picture was no longer wanted but he declined to be a messenger, asking "to keep him out of it", as he "didn't want to be involved in the fights". Which fights? Obviously, he knew more than I could imagine. So, I guess, removing my picture was one of your 'fight' methods against me!
As far as I am concerned, I am not fighting with anyone but only trying to open your eyes and ears, if there could be found at least one teachable among you. Even if it appears to you as fighting, then consider it as a Christ's fight for those poor souls, who are lost in their Pharisaic pride and self-assurance, as a wake up call.
Not only this, you demonstrated cowardice by trying to pass the buck to someone else, rather than to contact me personally and inform about the picture. Was it so difficult to send me a text? Or did you not want to expose who was behind this decision?
Don't tell me please that the painting would have been safe there, left downstairs! I have already experienced how you dealt with unwanted items. Had I not discovered this canvas being taken down, it might have well suffered the same fate as the worktop with the sink, both in a mint condition, which I have provided a while ago - you have thrown it away in a skip!
This episode alone had already shown disregard to my contribution and the effort of those men, whom I have asked to carry it by hand for a half of a mile (not an easy task!). This was also an act of disrespect to the congregation members, who contribute financially, because instead of having a free item, now they have to pay for a similar one! There is obviously a great lack of coordination and communication plus unwise financial management in this part of the body of Christ - another thing to reflect upon.
As I was leaving the radio studio late in the evening, I noticed a light coming from upstairs. I assumed someone forgot about it and went to switch it off, but through the glass door window I noticed the person, who had slandered me before as 'satanic' and 'demonic'. At 10pm it made me feel suddenly insecure, as I remembered how he yelled and waved fists at me during the committee meeting to the point that one witness even thought he could attack me physically.
His conduct at the committee meeting so much reminded about the Temple guards in John 18:22, who slapped Jesus across the face shouting "Is this the way you answer the high priest?" (with Jezebel yapping nearby that I was challenging the "divine authority of our minister", as if there is no higher authority for me!)
What could stop such person to attack my painting at night, with no one to witness, as he had already demonstrated a spiteful attitude with me and an uncontrollable anger problem in the past during Bible studies? All my trust for that person was lost. if he decides to slit the canvas, he could easily lie that he had nothing to do with the damage, I thought, as he was lying at the committee meeting.
Having also an experience in the past with a person of a similar character (my ex-husband), who kicked and smashed my artworks just to spite me, knowing that my work was dear to my heart, I realized that the painting would be safer to be taken home, especially as some people had already brought it down as an unwanted item. So, I called a friend to help me to carry it home as soon as he was available. He agreed that, with this atmosphere of hostility towards me and my work, it would be better to remove the painting to safety. He preferred not to wait till the next day, although this was a great sacrifice for him, considering that he was already tired and had to wake to go to work very early in the morning.
It was sad for me that my artwork was rejected, but at least can you have integrity to inform the congregation that I did not request the painting to be returned but you removed it of your own volition?
By the way, do you see a sharp contrast between the manner you view me and my attitude towards you? Have I ever done anything unfair to you to deserve this? Being no longer a part of your group of worship, I still continued to be polite to you in my letters, albeit direct. I was still generous and unselfish with you by letting my painting to remain for the congregation to enjoy. Even if I was no longer a member of this particular group, still, I treated you as one part of the whole body of Christ in a broader, universal sense. Yes, as a part, albeit with some evidently spiritually ill cells in it, even cancerous cells, going out of control with inflated pride and egos, who are ready to attack others - those, who are working for the benefit of the body of Christ.
I did my best to show you respect and attention by trying to reason with you as people who need help to grow and to be built in Christ, to open your eyes on the ways of Christ, trying to awaken maturity in response towards repentance. There is no bypass to Christ without repentance, as much as you try to avoid it and justify your actions.
I did not act like some of you dealt with me - towering over in a head-mistress style and moralizing, or barking to shut up and listen, or in their desire to sweep under the carpet their Pharisaic deeds of pride, intolerance, and anger, smeared my first letter as 'satanic' and 'demonic' in a mob-like fashion, and then ignoring the content of my letters, as if I am not a fellow believer in Christ.
Perhaps, not perfectly, but I was patiently using scriptures and facts, like any Christian should deal with fellow-believers going astray from the Lord. Rather than taking a revenge or a fight with you for the sake of my self-defence (the Lord Himself would defend me!), I was thinking about your stagnation and need for growth. In the same spirit, instead of acting upon my hurt, I left my painting for the congregation to enjoy, thinking that it would not have been fair to those innocent people in this church, who did no harm to me.
And now, let us see your reaction.
When I have demonstrated a caring protective attitude not to name anyone in my letters just in case, if they are read by strangers, thus giving a chance to the perpetrators to correct themselves, I was accused that I omitted names... because I was fearing court procedures!!! As if courts in their right mind would bother with civil matters such as poetry reading and people lecturing me about it! What a worldly thinking!
Not being fully satisfied with the result of the spiteful 'Sanhedrin court' style committee meeting expelling me, where I was bullied with the minister's benevolent attitude to the abusers, while others dared not to raise a voice against injustice, you continued insulting me by expelling my painting as well!
The irony is that with the Child of God in this picture you threw Jesus as well, not only as an image, but such uncongenial attitude and unfriendly behaviour pushed the Lord Jesus Christ from your hearts, because your hearts responded not in a Christ-like manner! Would He dwell in hearts, hardened by a vindictive spirit?
And you still did not let me know what exactly you are resentful about! It is I, who should have grudge against you! Still, even having no slightest desire to meet you in person for the obvious reason of 'once bitten twice shy', in my correspondence I did not address to you as to enemies, even after experiencing your hostility towards me.
Some of my friends strongly advised me to stop considering you as 'brothers and sisters' in Christ after you had verbally abused and rejected me. Yet, even being mistreated, I refused to judge who among you was non-Christian and who belonged to Christ, though from a human perspective, I may well doubt certain individuals' allegiance to the Lord, despite their loud external declarations.
With the evidence glaring at my face that wild weeds are flourishing in that place, I am still reluctant to judge, because only "the Lord knows them that are His" (2 Timothy 2:19). Jesus has plans even for the vilest offenders and criminals, never mind you, whose sins are not that visible. Not even angels can know what is growing out of each seed, but God sees us right through and can make miracles even from the most hardened hearts. After all, only Jesus can separate wheat from chaff, so I am not in a position to condemn you, as your committee acted towards me.
By the way, the danger of such "small" sins as yours is greater, because a criminal for sure knows that he had committed crimes, while many Christians disregard their offences, considering them acceptable, for pride or cowardice do not look as bad in public eyes as murders, theft, or adultery. Yet, for the Lord pride or cowardice are far more offensive, because they led Pharisees to send Jesus to crucifixion. Besides, it is easier to uproot a tree or a bush than these persistent weeds, which tend to spring in us all the time.
By the way, why have you never treated those, who acted in a slanderous aggressive way, unacceptable for Christians, with the same level of severity as you dealt with me? Is it because you are of the same spirit, belonging to the same 'powers', of which I don't know (which can be only satanic), with which Jezebel in you group had threatened me?
To address the issues of certain hearts and to show your misunderstanding of my intention during my poetry reading was the purpose of my previous two messages. I dealt with you in Christ-like manner and expected a similar Christian attitude. Had I somehow considered you to be enemies of Christ, I would not even have bothered investing so much time in writing these long letters, - I would have simply shaken the dust of my feet!
For a while I could not perceive why you, being English, could not understand my language in the first letter (was I not logical and eloquent enough?), with you interpreting it as the difference of political or theological nature, until my tenant, who became a part of this church with my introduction three years ago, had shed light on the situation: "Perhaps, they simply did not bother reading it?" Ok, maybe he judged by himself, and if you did not read, then, oh well, this again says volumes about your Christian 'brotherly love'! It is surely not my desire to reach your hearts in order to re-join the group, which abused, slandered, and rejected me. I am not a sado-masochist!
With regards to my second letter, obviously, no one discussed it in the group, except, according to my tenant again, it was called by one person, who received it, as 'phenomenal' and I was even praised for my 'command of language', although I need not any eulogy and flattery. It was written to serve God with the purpose to awaken some repentance in your hearts before the Lord (not before me!), of which evidently there is no sign. Besides, my tenant may well have been sarcastic, knowing him. However, giving him due, he tried to defend you saying that no-one hated me there and even the person who called me 'demonic' said that he always 'liked' me. This contradicts the actions of your group, such as attacking and expelling me, and consequently removing even my painting. Your deeds shout louder than words.
Anyway, my aim is not to be liked. Acquainted with psychology, I am not a fool to expect people liking me, when their sins are exposed by me! I am not that naive! I know that in all likelihood, such letters would produce a first negative reaction and natural resistance, this is a human nature, but I have no fear: when one is with God, this person is in the majority!
Yet, let us remember the advice from Proverbs 10:17 that "whoever ignores correction leads others astray". Proverbs 27:5-7 stated: "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. One who is full loathes honey from the comb, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet."
You need to have hunger for Christ, for His righteousness, to accept sometimes unpleasant words, which are designed to help you better. After all, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled," said Jesus in His Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:6).
Righteousness is not a complacence because of Jesus' sacrifice. We are called to overcome our human nature in order to reflect the image of Christ in us in more purity. I am well aware that I need too, as anyone, to continue to be transformed, in order to be not dead in my trespasses but to become a 'living stone', as the apostle Peter called us to be, "being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ" (1 Peter 2:5).
My Lord had inspired and prompted me to spend days to help you to open eyes on the rotten condition of your hearts. Sadly, you don't seem even to have curiosity to try to understand these messages! Have you forgotten the warning of Paul in Romans 2:5-6: "But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. God “will repay each person according to what they have done”?
Our long-suffering Lord evidently still wants to reason with you! Through this experience He diagnosed your spiritual health, so you can bring your inadequacies in repentance to Him for healing. Our Lord is The Healer! As Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance” (Luke 5:31).
Are you still not seeing the picture from His perspective? "Nevertheless, God’s solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and, “Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness” (2 Timothy 2:19). Excuse my Russian directness as a cultural difference, but who would argue that bullying, slandering, and expelling a servant of God from your ranks was nothing but manifestation of wickedness?
It appears that you have decided that it was not worth listening and discussing anything with me only on the basis of your idol-worshipping theology that you endorse. Do you think that you can obtain God's favour by waving Israeli flag, while your hearts are in the wrong place? You cannot fool the Lord by external manifestations. All He cares about is the condition of each human heart!
"Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them... What comes out of a person is what defiles them. For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come — sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and defile a person” (Mark 7:14-23).
Telling others that I left the church because of our theological differences is either a deliberate lie in order not to face your conscience condemning you or a sincere self-deception, because you simply did not understand me, when all I tried to do is to make you focus on Christ and not make an idol out of Israel.
Instead, you slandered me as an anti-Semite, in your ignorance not knowing even the difference between anti-Semitism and anti-Zionism. You implied that I am an adherent of some Replacement theory (of which I knew nothing!), ignoring the truth glaring at you that it was you, who were replacing Jesus by Israel. You are replacing His teaching of "No one pours new wine into old wineskins" by trying to interpret the New Testament with an Old one, while the Old Testament should be interpreted in the light of the New Testament (Matthew 9:14-17, Mark 2:21-22, and Luke 5:33-39). You are replacing Jesus' teaching of love by Pharisaic actions! Therefore, you are the ones, who belong to your own man-made Replacement theory!
Suppose, I have been wrong in something. Would it not be right then to try correcting me in a Christian manner by showing in Biblical verses where I was wrong? In Romans 14, the apostle Paul instructs how to treat each believer and how to think of each other. His advice is to embrace a brother and sister in Christ, who is weaker in faith, without passing judgment. If we start judging our fellow believers there will be not enough room for our love to abide. Any reaction to theological differences, expressed not in brotherly love, is wrong.
Or with this silence you simply confirm that I am right after all, but still you want to continue play in your 'spiritual kindergarten' with this 'leave us alone' attitude? Are you capable only to attack a true believer as a pack of hyenas and then act spitefully by removing all traces of me by discarding even my painting? This is a worldly attitude. You bring it to the body of Christ, contaminating it with arrogance and intolerance. Only people who are afraid behave like this.
Why could one be afraid of truth? "This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God" (John 3:19-21).
"Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them" (Ephesians 5:11).
Do these word hurt you? "But the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart" (Hebrews 4:12). Yes, like a sword, truth can hurt and lead to repentance, but if it did not hurt, then your hearts are dead. Dead like dead stones.
May the Lord bless you with a greater understanding of God's purposes!
Albina