Рецензия на «San Diego» (Дмитрий Александрович Гаранин)
Some suggested changes: On the edge of the ocean in the last time zone Among rotten mountains and dried up forests /dry Civilization, the last flower of this gone Land, sucks up the rest from its pores. In the fiberglass at the speed of light Entangled bytes don't know where to go. Straighten up the meander of lefts and rights By sections of eternity in a row! Do you hear the network's quiet moaning? Google is digesting Qualcomm In the embrace of death in the silicone - Dinosaurs of the times are coming./ either of time or: of eternity Пробштейн Ян 29.08.2013 20:05 • Заявить о нарушении
Ian, do you suggest "dry forests" instead of "dried up forests"? In the third stanza, my thought is that it is the time (times) coming in which these companies will be regarded as dinos, not the dinos are coming. Do you mean incomplete sentences are bad?
Дмитрий Александрович Гаранин 30.08.2013 03:49 Заявить о нарушении
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