Thanks for acknowledging smoothness of the translation. The poem is interesting by presenting psychological transparency of the described situation: both of “them” cannot fall in love (highly likely because of the previous experience – still at first they might think it be possible) but obviously they could had been ardent lovers earlier being of a similar level of attractiveness and understanding. There are some lines I’d like to pay attention to (as I see it):
“I like you being drunken cause your words do not have sense in such a case” – she’s scared to hear sober reasoning concerning her own state (as well as her former life) – while drunken he speaks in a romantic way.
The elms with yellow leaves resemble her feelings – a bit sad but nice in general.
Their smiles are strange for the partness are partly bewildered about their future relations – each can easily interrupt them; – in the last quatrain there is a kind of conformation of the said here: she is really musing whether to abandon her comrade (clearly, - not too dear) or not.

Вячеслав Чистяков   18.01.2024 05:15   Заявить о нарушении

partners

Вячеслав Чистяков   18.01.2024 05:17   Заявить о нарушении

"Zephyr" published Akhmatova's poems in a thick volume

Зус Вайман   18.01.2024 19:10   Заявить о нарушении

For sure there can appear many translations of a certain author – and they may differ greatly. I’m not too eager to read many of them – mostly it turns out I would not have fancy – in my opinion they must be closer to originals (sometimes there’s just no proper understanding of the very sense or feeling – “Не пой, красавица, при мне…” is translated as “Do not sing…” while in fact it’s meant her singing is wonderful – it is not a real request; «Выйдешь, – поневоле тяжело, хоть плачь” – they use “reluctantly”!). Let’s look at a piece by Akhmatova:
Он любил три вещи на свете
За вечерней пенье, белых павлинов
И стертые карты Америки.
Не любил, когда плачут дети,
Не любил чая с малиной
И женской истерики
… А я была его женой.

Stanley Kunitz and Max Hayward translated it as

“Three things enchanted him:
white peacocks, evensong,
and faded maps of America.
He couldn’t stand bawling brats,
or raspberry jam with his tea,
or womanish hysteria.
… And he was tied to me.

In the original “малиной – женой” is not rhymed, still they try to do it (tea – me), – paying no attention neither to “свете – дети”, nor to “павлинов – с малиной”, and “America – hysteria” is awkward in my appreciation. This translation seems to be a simple constatation of facts. I do not to insist on my translation being better, but I rather like it:

On three things he looked with favor:
Vespers singing, white peacocks and faded
Worn-out America maps;
He disliked weeps at kids’ misbehavior,
To have jam at his tea, and he hated
Female frenzied screaming habdabs
… And I occurred to be his wife.

Вячеслав Чистяков   19.01.2024 07:15   Заявить о нарушении

Видел Стэнли Куница. Разбирал его стихи. Поразительная смычка с русской поэзией

Зус Вайман   21.01.2024 19:59   Заявить о нарушении

К сожалению, ничего больше не видел в его переводах – а этот пример из книжки (Matthew Sweeney and Lohn Hartly Williams ‘Write Poetry And Get it Published' – купил в заграничной поездке, уж и не помню где), – правда, разговор там идёт несколько по другому поводу. Возможно, у него хорошие переводы, но русского он не знает – по крайней мере не знал на тот момент; также приводится его высказывание о литературном переводе как таковом (он упоминает там и фразу Заболоцкого).

Вячеслав Чистяков   22.01.2024 05:51   Заявить о нарушении